My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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