i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
