If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
