I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
