I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
