you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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