you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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