im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
