well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I wish there were birth control emojis
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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