i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
