AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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