look no pants
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
