Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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