So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
