You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
