Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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