I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
