its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
