if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
