I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
