The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
