my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
