Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
