some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
