Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
