i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
