i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
