so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
