It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
