So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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