Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
