I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
