??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
