Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
