proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
