Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
