So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
