I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
