Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
