I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
