5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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