I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
