cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
