Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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