I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
