got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
