Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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