Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
