I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm like, not good at living.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
