He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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