and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
