he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
