maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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