I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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