well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
