she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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