I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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