Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
