I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
