And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
