i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
