Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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